Quit With All Your Lies…The Pleasing Others Problem

If you haven’t read the previous excuse, click the link before:

Quit With All Your Lies – The Time Problem

So, the next problem that some of my clients have shared in why they are unable to care for themselves is


“My spouse/partner likes me this way and doesn’t want me to change. If I change, they will leave me.”


Let’s stop right there.

That is great that you have someone who loves you for WHO YOU ARE.

That is a beautiful thing, especially in this time where people don’t give a flying flip about anyone but their own selves and their own desires.


I’m sorry to say that there are a few issues with this excuse and they will be addressed here.


Hiding from the truth about yourself is not healthy.

Hiding from the reality that your weight is dangerously high, that your cholesterol needs addressing, that your blood pressure is way too high, that you can hardly make it up the stairs or can’t play with your kids anymore…hurts YOU more than anyone else.



Doesn’t help anyone.

Love is totally missing from this picture.

And please don’t try to convince me that person really loves you.

I’m so sorry, but they just don’t.

Let me share with you what love IS (and ISN’T):

  • Patient
  • Kind
  • Isn’t envious
  • Isn’t boastful
  • Isn’t proud
  • Doesn’t dishonor other people
  • Not just all about self
  • Doesn’t get angry easily
  • Doesn’t keep a tally of wrongs
  • Rejoices in truth
  • Protects
  • Trusts
  • Hopes
  • Perseveres

This comes from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, if you want to read it yourself.

The bottom line is that love encourages growth, and if that person feels some kind of way when you want to grow…then there is no love there.

Are you really allowing SOMEONE ELSE to control the life that YOU have been blessed to live? Yes, I am going there. Why is it that they don’t want you to change, even when your health is on the line? Are they jealous of you for getting better? Or are they intimidated by what you can become and then they aren’t as important in your world any longer?

That is control. Pure and simple.


When someone doesn’t want you to do anything better, that is control.

When someone wants to hold you back, that is control.

When someone uses compliments to keep you away from your next level, that is CONTROL.

It is kind of like the eagle who grows up around chickens. They know in their mind they are born for more, but their world has always been pecking and scratching the ground and locking up in the coop at night.

So how do you overcome this excuse?

Well, my friend, it is time to sit down with your spouse or partner and have a “come to Jesus” meeting with them. Let them know what your goals are and why they are so important to you. Share your heart with them, and resist the temptation to argue your points. You can catch more flies with honey, you know?

Most people, when given the facts and the truth with love and respect, will apologize and learn to celebrate with you and encourage you to keep on going.

And if they continue their threats about leaving because you’re changing for the better, then guess what? BLESS and RELEASE.

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